White walls, two chairs, a
small table, one bed and a window that overlooks a crowded parking lot.
These are the impersonal settings of a hospital room. I think of them
as a white-washed hell. Unfortunately, this is the setting my family
and I have been sitting in a lot, because my aunt has COPD on top of
many other chronic respiratory diseases. Did I mention she is only 38?
Most of the time I like to make myself forget she's sick. Some days it's
really easy cause she's laughing and playing, but those days are getting
scarce and its getting a lot harder to lie to myself, especially when
you hear the machines and you see her crying.
I get so angry. Then again, it's not fair that I get angry at her and
the world for something that no one could have stopped.
I hate the doctors here. No one wants to touch her because she's so
sick. But what I don't get is how is she supposed to get better if
doctors won't follow their oath to care for such patients regardless of
illness or money. Maybe doctors have forgotten about caring and not
about how fat their wallets are. I wish someone would tell them. All
they seem to do is hide behind their degrees while they tell my aunt
"your dying, maybe a few years left, really can't tell ya, there's
nothing else we can do." I wish someone they loved would get sick, maybe
then they would care. Then again, it wouldn't surprise me if they
My aunt seems to be getting tired a lot lately and more cranky. I guess
it's a mixture of medicine, depression and being sick.
Sometimes I fight back. I know I shouldn't but I do. My aunt can't do a
lot of things with my family anymore, like going to the store, the park,
a fair or anything that really involves leaving the house, but we all
still do things together like watch TV, cook and play games. I
understand that stuff doesn't seem so exciting, but its all I got right
now and we happen to have a lot of fun.
I love my aunt more than she knows and more than I can comprehend. Some
people may say she is dying of COPD, but it is easier for me to say
she's living with COPD.
Thanks for listening,